Is This What Victory Feels Like?

My calender tells me it's Christmas. That's funny. What with the whole snow theme I've got going on. Christmas day. What a day to die. Almost a whole year since I started this blog. Wow. Doesn't time fly when you're stuck in an eldritch pocket universe. I may as well get this over with.

I arrived at the summit, the top of the mountain, I knew what to expect. I knew that there'd be another challenge waiting for me. I was right of course. Sean was standing there, his cricket bat in hand. I held my own bat by my side. Silence is the only word I can use to describe what was happening. The wind stopped, my breathing stopped. We both stood still, eyeing each other in utter quiet.

"Hello, Chris."

The voice startled me. It was cold, but still human. I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised, the bastard had gotten Jane to seem real enough.

"I know what you're thinking, Chris, you're thinking I'm just another Word, don't you? That I'm just another artificial man with the face of someone you once knew. But unfortunately for you. No. I'm right here. I'm the real deal. Miraculously brought back to life," he did a little twirl, "Do you like the new me, Chris? The me who killed Jane? The me who's about to defeat you?"

I didn't know if I could believe him. But if it was true. Could I really kill him? Kill an actual human being? Even a Proxy? Were they even human anymore? Human enough to bleed and feel pain. Human enough to fear. Could I do that to someone? I don't know why I'm asking these questions, this is all in the past. I already know the answer.

"You're not you, Sean. You're a little puppet for Slender Man, or the Glitch, or the Tale Weaver. Who ever -whatever!- it is, you're still a puppet! And I'm sorry for what I have to do." I finally worked up the courage to step forward. He only smirked in reply, a smirk that wasn't his own, it was something else pulling at his brain.

Without another word I smashed the bat into his face and he spiraled backwards, swinging around to return the favour. I collapsed onto my back, getting back to my feet and shoving the bat into his ribs. He smashing his upwards into my jaw.

"You see you can't stop me. I'm better now, stronger than you by sooo much. In every way. I can see it in your eyes, you've been crying. You're in so much pain and I can take it all away. I will take it all away."

He spun around and bashed the side of my head and I was down again, head throbbing, skull fracturing. He placed a knee on my back and the bat around my throat, squeezing until I couldn't breathe. I dropped my bat and stuck my arms behind me, grabbing his head and tossing him over onto his back. I got to my feet as quickly as my head allowed, feeling as though I was about to be sick. I brought my foot down on his face and he started to bleed.

"Now Chris, you know you're going to have to do better than that," he taunted as he rolled over and knocked my legs with his bat, bringing me crashing down to the ground. He rose and peered after me as I tried to crawl away. "Coooome oooon, now! Where are you goin'?!" he called after me. I grabbed a rock and tossed it at his head and it struck true. "Don't make me mad, Chris. I may not go so easy on you."

I crawled around the corner of a large rock and got back to my feet. I couldn't even think. My head pounded like a jackhammer, my heartbeat ramming into my brain over and over like a brick wall. Sean came around the corner and I punched him in the face with as much strength as my sluggish body could muster. I grabbed his bat and twisted it so its end pointed at his face and pushed it into his jaw.

He fell on his ass but I couldn't even find the strength to take the opportunity to strike. I just fell back against the rock, breathing heavily, so tired in every way I can think of. I had vowed I would succeed. Vowed I would win. But with every passing second I just felt more and more like giving up. With every fiber of my being I wanted to curl up into a ball and just let it end. I dropped down into a seating position against the rock, not even lifting my gaze as Sean approached.

"You really are giving up aren't you?" he said as he bent down trying to look me in the eye, "Maybe when this is over I'll find the others, the real John and Elisa and bash their faces in too." I looked up. And all the pain just glazed over into rage. I couldn't let him hurt them. Couldn't let them die because I was weak, because I just gave up. Without even thinking I rammed my fingers into his eyes, clear liquid bursting out and down my hands. He screamed but I could barely hear over the sound of my own pulse. I pushed him onto the ground and continued to push, blood rushing out of his sockets. I removed my fingers and grabbed his bat, belting him over and over again with it, the screaming continued long after he had gone limp and the cold light from his eyes had faded. I realised I was the one screaming.

I fell down and lay in the red snow next to him, tears flowing freely. I really could. I really killed him. My hands were stained with the blood of a real human. I know there's people out there who've killed dozens of proxies. But how many of them used to be their friends? How many had they killed with their bare hands? How many had done it completely alone in the world? I rolled over, reaching out an arm, grabbing the snow and pulling myself along. Until I was really there at the peak, looking over the frozen wasteland, each flake of snow like a fragment of white bone. A thousand miles of desolation.

Clap. The sound cracked my mind. Clap. Seizures of pain rocked my body. Clap. I curled up into the fetal position, shying away from the universe.

The Glitch descended from the sky like some demented angel, applauding slowly. "Well here we are. You did it, Christopher. Congratulations. Victory is yours! How does it feel, Christopher? How does your victory feel?" A white door appeared at the precipice of the mountain. "Come on then," he said, picking me up effortlessly and dusting me off, "You've won. You've earned yourself a rest. Before the next stage. If that even happens," he adds, rolling an uncountable number of eyes at the same time, "My good friend the Tale Weaver isn't quite as good at organizing tournaments as the Game Master was. It's in the name after all. But when you're all rested up, the door will open and it'll either lead to the next challenge or back to earth! Either way, will you be happy?" He smiled a grin that seemed to stretch out of the universe and shoved me through the door onto a red carpeted floor of some sort waiting room. Several chairs are placed against the walls, and at the far side is another white door that one day will either open to another challenge or let me go home.

Either way I won't be happy.

It changed

The Light changed. I can't believe how terrifying that thing was. I've never known fear like that, not even when facing actual Fears. But it changed. Morphed into a spectral figure, and before I knew it, before I stopped knowing anything altogether from the pain of just looking at it, before me stood Johnathan, bat in hand.

It wasn't him. It couldn't have been him. Not after what happened with Jane. It was another jumble of Words, a trick to fool me again. This knowledge didn't make what happened next much easier.

He stepped forward and walloped me across the head. I slammed against the mountain face, head thumping and vision blurring. I fell to all fours, and I grabbed a large rock, small enough to hold in one hand. He raised the bat again, and I smashed the rock into his jaw. This time it was his turn to fall. I stepped back, not ready to launch an attack that wasn't purely defense. This just gave him it -it -it -it! time to get back up and strike again. I managed to dodge this attack and rammed a fist into his side. It elbowed me into the base of my neck and I was down again. I rolled away just before his foot came down on where my head used to be, it raised his foot to stomp again and I grabbed his other leg, pulling it over down to my level.

I leapt on it and punched it in the face several times. His blood on my hands. Again I hesitated and it put his hands together, launching them into my nose. Knocked off him we both scrambled to our feet and started to circle each other. That's when Elisa showed up as well.

There I was. Face to face with my former friends (Former? I honestly don't know), their faces used by evil things. Using them to torture me. Forcing me to fight them and, if I was to survive, kill them. Murder them with my own hands.

I lifted a leg and kicked the Johnathan in the chest knocking him onto the ground once more. The Elisa ran at me with her knife. I grabbed her wrist and twisted it around, forcing it to drop the knife. I pushed her way and backed up. I don't feel right being forced to fight a girl, maybe that sounds sexist. Although, to which gender I'm not actually sure. Unfortunately I didn't have the chance to avoid this, and as she ran at me I socked her in the jaw. I heard a crack. She never was the strongest. But this is just what the Tale Weaver and Glitch want. Guilt, remorse. I didn't want to give them the satisfaction, but emotions aren't easily controlled. And watching her blood run down onto the snow, knowing I was the cause, it hurt.

And, once again, this was opportunity used by Johnathan to run at me. He never was the brightest. I slid to the side, clipped him with my foot and jabbed him in the back of the shoulder. He was sent hurtling over the side of the mountain. I turned away, trying to ignore the thumping as he hit rock after rock on the way down.

I watched sullenly as Elisa slowly got back to his feet. Blood still trickling out of her mouth, her jaw poking out at a wrong angle. It wasn't human. It approached slowly, weakened, but showing no signs of pain. Its eyes cold and dead. I looked down, the bat wasn't far away, and I walked to pick it up. I turned to it, stepped forward, took aim and closed my eyes.

I didn't open them as I swung. I didn't open them when I felt it connect. I didn't open them when I heard a smash again the rocks. I didn't open them when I felt the warm droplets of blood on my face. I only opened them when I rose my face to the sky and stood there in silence as I let the bitter wind dry the blood.

I walked away not long after, and found a place to curl up to sleep. There's only one left. One friend. And I think I know where he'll be.

Closer and Closer

Air thinning...cold encroaching...exhaustion mounting...sill can't see the top.

Can't get enough sleep, Lights are too close. Every waking moment is moving. How long ago for you did I mention I wouldn't die trying to get to the top. In moments of adrenaline, emotional calamity and pissed off defiance you can think stupid things. Things like you can climb a mountain with nothing more than the clothes on your back, a cut up blanket and a few cans of food. Oh, and of course a laptop. Couldn't forget that. I've been thinking why Fears are so obsessed with Runners blogging, why the Rake Compels us into these things. They say that knowledge of them makes them more powerful or more prevalent. That seems as good a reason as any. Insidious bastards.

Oh God. There's a Light here. It hutrs me i cant thnk what is it how cna the tale weaver mke somthing so terribel my eyes ar bleeding no no no no

Dontletittakeme.
Dontletittakeme.
Dontletittakeme.
Dontletitta

Moving Up In the World

In short, after the events of my last post I caught some rest, grabbed as many cans of food as I could carry, ripped up the blanket into a vaguely poncho-like shape for warmth and set out. It wasn't easy going, it's not easy going. The path that had taken me to the house didn't continue for much longer and I was soon condemned to climbing over rocky mounds and climbing small ridges.

Each night, I can see the lights behind me, following me on my way. They've gathered around the base of the mountain, truly no turning back now. Every time I stop for rest I don't get more than a couple hours before the lights get too close. I'm not even sure what they are, I only see the glow that proceeds them, and if that post from before is anything to go by I probably don't want to see them.

To be honest I have little to say here. I'm moving, I'm surviving. I don't know how  long it will take me to get to the top of this mountain. It's been easy-enough going so far, but I don't have the training or the supplies to climb the entire thing. I remain hopeful nonetheless. I've resigned myself to this task. This Challenge.

I guess what I'm try to say with this post is: I'm alive.

Hope all you out there are too.

I grabbed my laptop as we passed and-

I limped out of the cave with Jane as my support. We exited into the glaring, white, reflective snow fields. Did you know Inuits/Eskimos/(insert politically correct term here) can be rendered blind from sunlight bouncing off the ice? They can also suffer tremendous sunburn! But that's just a fun-fact I thought was relevant to the blaring illumination that assaulted me after spending so long in the dark. We were on the side of a mountain, on a long winding mountain path. Gazing out over the snow-capped landscape it was beautiful. For a split second I almost forgot about the horrible situation I was in.

We were relatively low down on the mountain, still high enough to kill me if we fell, which was a distinct possibility when trying to ascend an icy pathway. But we made it without incident. Made it where you ask? A house. A perfectly fine, perfectly large house built on the side of a mountain. But I continued to believe, because she told me it would be fine and I trusted her because I believed in her.

She opened the door and inside was almost bare. There were three chairs in the room, the nearest one she placed me in. She walked into the next room and came back with a plate of food. I don't even remember what food it was. All I know is that it tasted good and filled me faster and better than that small amount of food should have. I was too relieved to be paranoid. After the food I was taken upstairs into a bed and fell asleep. It was the first time I slept in a warm bed in at least a month (From my perspective), if not longer. It felt good and I woke up feeling better than I had in a long time, even since before I came here.

I would have updated then and there, but I got sidetracked getting caught up on Jane. She claimed to have gone unconscious in the motel where she died and woken up in this house a month ago. She had gone exploring and had encountered nothing and no one, but the cupboards of the house were well stocked with food. But then while exploring she found me in the cave. I told her everything that had happened since after she went unconscious to now. I left out the part where she had actually died. We talked for hours about everything, and I felt happier than I think I ever have in the past.

No wonder life took that moment to ruin everything, again. She walked out into the kitchen and I heard a crash, I presumed she had accidentally dropped some of the food so I went out to check. Then, well, then I found her dead for the second time. The same knife wound in the same place, her laying on the ground, blood pooling around her, cans of food rolling over the floor. I fell to my knees. I burst out crying. My tears froze half-way down my face. I was cold. Colder than every before. Colder than the Cold Boy had ever made me, colder than any of the times I thought I'd lose fingers to frostbite, colder than any of the times I had to trudge through snow storms. The blood froze in my veins. I fell back into the floor of the main room, unable to feel the hard, wooden floor on my back. Unable to feel anything anymore. Life had taken everything away, before giving it all back, and then violently ripped it away again.

"Well well well. Giving up are we?" The Glitch flickered into view, laying on the ground next to me. I didn't even acknowledge him -it. "Oh, ignoring me? Now now, Christopher, are you really as petty as all that?" "Petty?!" I spat out, "SHE'S DEAD! AGAIN!" "Oh come now, Christopher, you and I both know she only died the first time. Pretty naive of you to think she had really come back to life to save you and lead you away to peace and happiness in this conveniently placed house." He was right of course. I was a fool to think it was really her. She was nothing but a jumble of words created by the Tale Weaver. Nothing but a trap to bring me back from the precipice so that the fall would be all the more spectacular.

"I'll tell you what," the Glitch began to speak again, "ALL you need to do, is make it to the summit of this mountain. And you make it to the next round! I mean, it may not be ideal, if you want you can stay here and starve yet again. Except you won't get another chance at salvation. There'll be nothing but pain until I grow bored with you. But I'm not here to make the decision for you. It's up to you to choose. Die slowly here, or push forward with a chance of success. Maybe win the whole thing! And go back to your life. Think about that. You could have a life again." With that it static-ed away. My blood was pumping through my body again, my flesh warmed up and my tears melted.

I lay there for a while. But I already knew what I'd do. The Glitch was right, I knew that. I only had one chance of escape. One chance to escape this nightmare. Never before had I felt this alone in my life. Never before had I craved company as much as I do right now. I will make my way back to the world. And I will NOT die trying.

Capture and Escape

Wow. Where do I start? According to blogger it's been about HALF A FUCKING YEAR since my last post. I wish I could tell you how long that's been for me, but unfortunately I've been unconscious for an unspecific amount of that time. Given the nature of everything that's been happening for the past year I could have easily spent most of it unconscious in real time.

But, explanations. I was sleeping in my cabin when I hear something outside, a loud screeching noise. It woke me up quickly as you would imagine and I grabbed my chunk of timber, holding it close as I rose to my feet and prepared to defend myself. The screeching stopped suddenly before starting again a few seconds later. It did that several times before I saw them. The dark, phantom things. Each screech was accompanied by a sudden burst of blurring speed as they shifted across the field of snow.

They drew closer and closer and I could tell they, finally, were coming for me. I backed away from the door and held my weapon at the ready. A screech sounded again and before I knew it one was standing right in front of me, taken by surprise it struck out at my jaw in a swift motion. Pain shot through my skull as I hurtled away against the wall. That's when the unconsciousness struck.

I woke up in a cave somewhere in this unknowably large tundral realm, within a cage. There were no phantoms to be seen. I sat up and I grabbed the bars of the cell, rattling them back and forth to no avail. My futile state of existence had only increased in futility. The cage was solid, no food or water to be found, no help would be coming. Here I was without a hope. I didn't even have my laptop to keep all my loyal followers updated. It was sitting on a rock, out of reach. So I lay there and waited for dehydration to claim me/my captors to return to finish me off. As it happened, neither happened.

Though I was there for what had to be days my body refused to die. My thirst and hunger ate away at me, the pain in my stomach killing me but without the death part. Weeks passed. How long would I have to endure this? How long would I be able to survive? The phantoms didn't return either, leaving me to my eternal suffering.

You know how I said no help would be coming, well of course I thought that at the time but as it turned out I was wrong. I was coming up on what I had counted to be my 28th day trapped without any source of nourishment when a figure appeared, silhouetted against the white light of the cave entrance. It was Jane. Yes, Jane. Remember Jane, from a few months back. The one that died. I shouldn't have trusted it, I shouldn't have believed it. It was impossible. Even if it wasn't, why would a Fear(ish thing) controlled domain offer a kindness? It wouldn't. But I was so relieved to be rescued. So relieved to see her! Against my own better judgement I chose to believe it was really her.

"Chris!" she called out to me, hastily grabbing the lock and pulling a pin out of her hair. "I bet you didn't know I could pick locks," she laughed as she inserted the pin. "What are you doing here? How are you alive?" she asked me. I could only groan in response. "Never mind, let's just get you out of here." She grabbed me and hoisted my arm around her shoulders and I didn't resist. I grabbed my laptop as we passed and-

-And now I have to go. The lights are getting closer. I'll continue this later.

What the -?

You may have seen my last post. If not, here's the gist: "Dontletthelightstakeme". Now that may be "Don't let the light stake me" but my money's on "Don't let the lights take me". Now, I don't remember posting that and there's still a chance I didn't, but knowing these Fears and Fear-Related-Entities as I do odds are I really did post that. This, as you can imagine, raises some questions. What are these "lights"? Why do I not wish for them to take me? Why can I not remember writing that post (If I did in fact write it)? And why was I so totally unable to write a coherent post on the subject?

Now I know for you probably some time has passed. But for me it's only been a couple of days since those White Walkers as I've come to know them were drifting around my temporary place of residence. I'm still staying here as I have found no better place and it's doubtful I'd be able to survive for very long out in the blizzarded wilderness. So I'll be staying here indefinitely, for as long as it is safe and I do not know what is necessary to complete this challenge.

So here I am. In a burnt out building in a burnt out village in a cold and desolate artificial universe where I am nothing more than a plaything to an Entity described as Unknown compared to the Fears themselves with some unusual mind-control/amnesia blog-posting and mysterious ghost-people and completely unknown and apparently mind-shatteringly terrifying "lights".

That sums it up nicely. Well, the summing is done nicely, what is summed is most certainly not nice.